All posts by roger

What a big Elephant in the room!

The Crazy World in which we Live, , ,

elephant in the room

Management “buzz phrases” are getting worse. You know the sort of phrase I mean don’t you?

“We need to touch base offline in order to think outside the box so that we can pick off some low hanging fruit and take a blue-sky approach.” If you go onto the Internet and try Googling “management jargon” or “consultant speak” you can find whole websites devoted to translating these often-preposterous phrases. I am sure you have come across many yourselves, either in your own companies or at conferences, or when dealing with consultants.

So now that we are all singing from the same hymn sheet (sorry that one slipped in under the radar), let me tell you about this new phrase. I first heard it at a recent conference. The speaker was addressing an issue about underwriting that we have faced in the industry for many years and he described the issue as, “elephant in the room”.

I thought that this was a very strange turn of phrase. Funny thing is though for a phrase I had never heard before it suddenly seemed to turn up everywhere I looked. On the very same day as the conference, whilst travelling back to Edinburgh I read an article in the paper and low and behold here was another “elephant in the room” – this time in the context of the airline industry. The following day I heard a politician talking about an elephant in their room (The Elephant in the Commons?), and then in a presentation from a group of visiting consultants – there it was again.

The problem was that on none of the occasions I heard this phrase did any of the people using it ever actually explain what it meant. In exasperation I resorted to Google and found out that an elephant in the room is a way of describing a huge problem that everyone knows exists but pretends to ignore rather than trying to solve it.

Now it had been explained to me I suppose it made a sort of sense – but why not just call it “our big problem”? Inventing a witty and meaningless phrase to describe an issue almost reduces it to a figure of fun, which makes it even easier to ignore than before.

This method of communication is spreading. You see it in job adverts for ridiculous sounding positions, in pamphlets from local Government, and in letters from just about any organisation. We need to resist this nonsense.

There’s only one way to fight back. Let’s start by taking a helicopter view of the current paradigm, have a brain dump of ideas by thinking off the page, perhaps with a little river jumping until we all have our ducks in a row about how to finesse the paradigm to allow us to ascend to the optimal outcome.

The Adjustment Bureau – Film Review

Entertainment, , , , ,

Admittedly in action movies like The Bourne Identity he handles the physical requirements well and that franchise certainly made the pre-Daniel Craig Bond era look in need of the reboot that was to come with Casino Royale.

But on the whole there is a woodenness and lack of emotion that has made me avoid Damon vehicles. Which makes it all the more interesting that I think his personality and the electric spark between him and female lead, Emily Blunt, makes The Adjustment Bureau stand out as a strong relationship movie.

Damon plays David Norris, a candidate for the US senate. He is being stalked by a shadowy group of men wearing hats, who have the ability to step through any door, say one in Battery Park, and immediately emerge from a different door anywhere else in New York City. They are the people who keep our lives on track, or on “The Plan” as they put it.

One of them is supposed to stop Damon from meeting Blunt on a bus by making him spill his coffee – causing him to go and change his shirt rather than get on the bus. But the intervention fails, Damon meets Blunt and they start to fall in love.

The rest of the film is about the Adjustment Bureau trying to prevent them from being together. This scenario is played out on the streets, on the rooftops and in the underground bowels of the city of New York, and although this is not an action movie, there are some exciting, if not, nail-biting moments.

Sadly part of the narrative is clunky however. You have to ignore Terence Stamp’s ridiculous speech about the Dark Ages and the failings of human beings. The motivations of the “Men in Hats” is not explored deeply enough. And we never really know what the plan is all about and how things would be different if the two leads hadn’t met as was intended. The numerous references the “The Chairman” and the obvious religious connotations are too oblique. And why is man in hat, Harry (well played by Anthony MacKay), so keen to help Damon when the rest of his kind are obeying the orders of the Chairman?

But Emily Blunt’s character, Elsie Sellas, is so alive, attractive, sexy, likeable and vulnerable and the way she and Damon interact is flirtatious, tender, fun and loving that their relationship sweeps aside the inadequacies of the plot. They are so good that you just want them to be together and to overcome the hurdles set in front of them by the shadowy forces.

Right from the moment they first meet you want a happy ending and that makes it worth watching to find out whether your wish is part of “The Plan”.

ScotRail’s poor service is like a comedy sketch

The Crazy World in which we Live, , , ,

As a result of working in marketing I can’t help but look at other company’s campaigns. I also take a keen interest in the customer service offered by my competitors and by those who are providing a service and product to me as an individual.

Sometimes all I can do is ask myself, “Why?”

Scotrail's poor service

For example did the marketing department genuinely think that the “More Than Freeman” campaign was a good idea, or did their ad agency win a £10 bet made in the pub before the pitch. Is the Go Compare Opera Singer meant to make people dive for the mute button, or compel people to stick their foot through the TV set in anger?

And are some of the things that ScotRail get up to as a result of unrivaled incompetence, or are they genuinely trying very hard to deliberately wind up their customers? Here is an example of ScotRail’s poor service.

There I was waiting for the busiest of the day’s trains from Edinburgh to Musselburgh (final destination North Berwick), and I was dismayed to see a puny two carriage train trundle onto a platform already overflowing with more than enough people to fill the usual four carriage unit.

The passengers half heartedly start to squeeze into the smaller train, whilst the cyclists look on in resigned despair. The guard then comes on in a surprisingly friendly (for ScotRail) voice to encourage us to, “Move down inside the coaches and let everyone on.”

Cue a bit more determined shuffling and I find my face getting very close to the armpit of the guy shoehorned in next to me on my left and the ponytail of the girl crammed in on my right.

Still friendly, but now a bit more insistent the guard then says, “Everyone, I really need you to try and move further into the train to let as many passengers as possible on board.” He obviously meant business so we all took a deeper breath and sucked in our abs and acted like sardines.

This still wasn’t enough for him. “Ladies and Gentlemen. Now there is not enough room for me. If I can’t get on board then, by law this train can’t go anywhere, so please squeeze up a little more so that I can get in.”

As I could not see anything but ponytail and armpit I wondered whether this guard was as fat as the Go Compare Opera Singer, but duly did as requested and found another inch of in-breathe.

All then seemed fine. The guard was successfully aboard. Now perhaps we could be on our way? There then followed one of those long periods ScotRail are famous for where nothing happens and no one tells you anything. After a good 10 minutes of increasingly sweaty confinement, the guard came back on the tannoy a little less cheerful than before to announce, “The train is now over laden, and I need to ask some of you to get off the train to make it lighter.”

Scotrail's poor service

Having already obliged by compacting themselves into an already tiny space most seemed unwilling, or more likely, unable to comply.

The guard’s final announcement would have made everyone laugh out loud if they had been able to exhale enough to do so. “Ladies and Gentlemen the train is so overcrowded that we have decided that it will now only go direct to North Berwick and will not stop at Musselburgh, Wallyford, Prestonpans, Longniddry and Drem. If you want to travel to one of these destinations please remove yourself from the train immediately.”

This was followed by quite painful and rather personal scenes as the passengers disentangled themselves from the contortions they had already been subjected to.

So were ScotRail rehearsing for a slot on next year’s Comic Relief. Or were they doing a live run through of an new ScotRail Comedy Sketch Show? There’s no point writing to their customer service department to ask. All you ever get from them are insincere stock answers and a £5 voucher as compensation for them failing to meet their 7 day complaint response service level agreement.

As genuine compensation for my inconvenience, I would like the Chief Executive of ScotRail to be forced to watch 48 hours of non-stop Go Compare Opera Singer with the mute and channel switches out of reach.

I am More Than Fuming-man. Thank you for listening!

Jalousie Plantation Hotel – This could be one of the best in the World

Travel, , ,

It is just possible, in my opinion of course, that The Jalousie Plantation Hotel sits in one of the prettiest and most stunning locations in the world – nestled snugly between the Gros and Petit Piton mountains. When I booked I knew that it was an awesome place, but what you see as you drive down the steep windy road into the hotel grounds is more than I imagined it ever could be.

jalousie plantation hotel

The Pitons love the camera and any picture you take of them is automatically picture postcard quality. The Petit Piton towers over the resort like a tropical monolith – but due to the mountains and their alignment, they never cast a shadow – the sun just rises and sets between them.

The main buildings of the plantation sit at the bottom of the valley just behind the bright white sandy beach, surrounded by masses of tropical greenery and flowers of every colour.

jalousie plantation hotel

The white villas hug the hillside behind, hiding from view behind palm trees. The roads are very steep but a shuttle bus is never more than a phone call away. In 12 days we never waited more than five minutes for one to arrive. And if you feel like a workout, walking either up or down is a challenge worth taking.

jalousie plantation hotel

Our Grand Luxury Villa, in the group known as “The 800s” boasted a simple white, black and coral decor and the four-poster king size bed was a heaven of crisp white Egyptian cotton. Both the lounge (which doubles as the children’s bedroom, and the bedroom have gigantic HD TVs hidden in cupboards (but the resort is so lovely we only turned one of them on once). The double walk in shower, huge double sink bathroom with its claw footed stand alone bath were luxurious and kitted out with smelly potions replenished daily.

jalousie plantation hotel

Outside a massive terrace consisting of lounge chairs, a set of tables and chairs and a separate area with a huge reclining bed – looked out towards the sea and the Gros Piton beyond. There was also an infinity plunge pool that was really more like a small swimming pool. Sitting on this terrace at night, sipping a beer or a glass of wine whilst the tree frogs sang in the background is such a lovely way to relax.

jalousie plantation hotel

Each room has its own butler, and on arrival you get a Firefly mobile phone so that you can contact them. I must admit that with all the staff so courteous and attentive – I wasn’t really left with much to ask of the butler. She did however turn the heating on in our plunge pool every afternoon to take the icy edge off it before we returned in the evening.

Hidden among the trees closer to the main buildings is a Spa, built as a series of tree houses of different heights connected by wooden walkways and steps. We had a hot stone massage in one of these havens of tranquility. The decor and the facilities are outstanding – more luxurious than many Spas that say they are more exclusive.

jalousie plantation hotel

Surrounding the Spa is a rainforest trail, again comprising wooden walkways and steps. It takes about 15 minutes to go round the circuit rewarding you with excellent views of the mountains and the sea and the rainforest itself. I think that the Hotel guests might be under the impression that the rainforest trail is much more grueling (perhaps the term trail conjures up images of muddy paths and clouds of insects – which is of course far from the truth) because in negotiating the pathways everyday during our stay we never once met anyone else.

Down on the beach you need to be early to grab a thatched straw umbrella and some comfortable loungers to go with it. Once ensconced in that welcome shade, the bar staff supply you with a red flag which you simply stick in the ground when you want a drink. Within seconds of planting the signal a waiter arrives to take your order. By the end of the holiday they often anticipated what we wanted and just brought it along without asking.

jalousie plantation hotel

The Bayside Restaurant is open air, sits just back from the shore and serves breakfast lunch and dinner of exceptional quality. It makes such a change to visit a restaurant where there are no buffet meals at all. Not even breakfast. At every meal you choose from the menu and they servce you individually. I cannot think of anywhere I have stayed in the world that does not resort to buffet style some of the time.This to me is a huge bonus.

Breakfast and its choice of smoothies was outstanding every day. Lunch was lighter, with crisp oven made pizzas, pastas and burgers. Dinner was fine dining but with minimal fuss and fluff. The mash potato is the lightest, cremiest and tastiest I have ever eaten. On one occasion I asked them to bring me another bowl full because it was simply iresistable.The General Manager of the hotel often lunches here from a table at the back. He then mingles with the guests in an unobtrusive way asking for feedback or just asking you how you are enjoying your stay.

After dinner here, the Bayside bar became a regular stop off for a nightcap served by the very friendly Lawrencia, who like just about every member of staff learned our names and preferences almost immediately. She mixes an awesome Mojito.

In the main house is the grander restaurant – the Great Room. It has a very majestic feel to it. The food again is fine dining but the focus seems quite rightly on taste and not overly fussy presentation. If you order a bottle of red wine, ask them to decant it into one of many fancy, curly and long differently shaped decanters. Then marvel how the wine waiter manages to pour your glasses without spilling one tiny drop. Try the Banana Souffle and Lime Sorbet at your peril. It melts divinely on the tongue and you will be unable to resist ordering another one on your next visit.

jalousie plantation hotel

The Cane Bar is for adults only, which we sampled whilst the wee one was at the children’s club. Cool, like a posh London nightclub the various rum cocktails have to be savoured. The Zombie cocktail was particularly impressive. This is a hidden gem within the resort and I’m not sure that many guest even knew it existed.

Back at the beach many water sports are free, such as Hoby Cat sailing, kayaks and pedal boats. . One day I tried something called a “Megawing”. This is effectively a huge rubber balloon dragged behind a speedboat with you hanging on for dear life. The lady who was on before us said it was scarier than any amusement park ride she had ever been on. I agreed with her after bouncing around on the sea for 10 minutes, but it was also one of the most exhilarating things I have ever done as well.

The children’s club put on a variety of events, trips and activities and the coordinators Canice and Giseld developed a great rapport with our son. A couple of outstanding people.

Canice also teaches all the classes up on the sundeck overlooking the Pitons and the bay. He is inspirational in his teaching of early morning and sunset Yoga and seems able to turn his hand to anything. He has boundless energy. The gym was well stocked and the tennis professional was always on hand.

So any niggles? Not really. There was a bit of a misunderstanding between the travel agent and the hotel about what the “all-inclusive package” actually included. But the duty manager was more than willing to come up with an acceptable compromise on the items that we felt should be included but weren’t.

jalousie plantation hotel

Overall then, this one of the best hotels I have ever stayed in. I believe that it is more luxurious and offers better service than some of the more recognised Caribbean premier resorts such as Sandy Lane, Spice Island Beach Resort and Curtain Bluff – but it lacks the pretension and the soulless service that often typifies those places.

I truly hope that as they expand the accommodations and install even more impressive amenities, that they do not become tempted to emulate those other pretentious resorts because this is somewhere I would gladly return to on many occasions.