I’m sorry. I need to rant about meaningless gobbledygook marketing.

Today I received an email from a marketing agency wanting to set up a meeting with me. I was so astonished by the depth of clichéd overused management style jargon that I almost feel like naming and shaming. Instead I am simmering down by sharing the beauty of the bollocks.

Here’s one of the many incredible sentences:

“Our unique, proven and collaborative approach of combining doctorate level theoretical analytics, strategy and world-class creative execution delivers ground-breaking, game-changing initiatives for ambitious brands.”

What on earth does it mean? Am I supposed to be impressed? Do they really think I want to do business with people who produce such claptrap?

There’s more.

“Our commitment to actionable strategies, ingenious ideas and sustainable impact has already led to successful outcomes.”

Okay hands up. I’ve used such language in an earlier more naive part of my career but now I like to think I have risen above such jargon.

If something is “unique” you know that it is just the same as everything else. If it is “very unique” you know the copywriter doesn’t realise that you can’t have degrees of uniqueness. “Innovative” is equally meaningless, “game-changing” even more so. Please don’t tell me about “value added” or how something has been “optimised” or “finessed” so that it attains the “scalability” to become “world class”.

Talk to me in plain English. That’s how I like to communicate. Verbally and in writing.

I can’t wait for the follow up call from these guys.

Over to you: This email was obviously the last straw for me hence the rant. Please share your own examples of meaningless gobbledygook marketing. I’d love to read them and perhaps create a list of the most magnificent and meaningless.